I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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