I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
