I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
