Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
