I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
