I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize