I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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