I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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