I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
