Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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