meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
being pregnant is like rehab
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
