My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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