I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
