Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
