saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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