4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we're making bets on your personal life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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