those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
