Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
