well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
