The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
