i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
