Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
