Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize