so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
