Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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