...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
