Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
