She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
