well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
