sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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