Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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