I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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