Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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