How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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