I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
