Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
