She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
