I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
