she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
