I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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