Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
