in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize