I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
