But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
