I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
