Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
