Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
