Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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