So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
