i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
