On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize