Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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