i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
