I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this will be a night to untag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
