So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
