Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
