she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
