i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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