a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
