Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Everything about him screamed your future.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
