They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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