She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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