i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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