I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
