And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
