I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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