Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
