im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
