Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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