I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So squirting runs in the family.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
