how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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