dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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