There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
