Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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