Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
