We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
