seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
