you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
