did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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