did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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