Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
