a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
