I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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